Home Wrecker
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: Bored one night, Chris decides to break into other people's houses to satisfy his sick, perverted thoughts. His escapade backfires when it turns out that the house he breaks into is inhabited by one of the last contestants he'd want to cross. Rated T because Chris is a pervert in this.


**This is just another one of my sick stories. I wrote this after I'll Cover Angel and Collins wrote her Blaineley/Izzy fic after losing a bet. She did a really good job at it so since she's a Chris/Courtney fan I made this.**

**WARNING: CONTENT IS INAPPROPRIATE FOR READERS UNDER TWELVE.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything related to **_**Total Drama**_**. If I did, all of the contestants would appear in every season. I don't own **_**Harlem Shake**_** either.**

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Home Wrecker

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One night, Chris McLean was bored, so he decided to raid people's houses at a suburban housing estate that was a ten minute walk from his mansion. Armed with a ladder and dressed in black attire, Chris entered the neighbourhood in search of his first house. Chris wasn't sure if he was going to steal anything but he knew he wanted to sniff other people's boxers, bras, briefs and knickers. He also memorised a list of excuses he could use if he got caught and he also memorised how to convince the homeowners to have sex with him should he get caught. Chris was very horny that evening.

Unfortunately, Chris was not having much luck. Almost every house he came across had an alarm system installed. Some of these houses even went as far as to having sirens installed at the side of back of them, occasionally forcing Chris to walk a few paces and go through the trouble of jumping over fences and opening gates for nothing. Ironically, this was a suburb in one of the safest cities in all of Canada. Chris wondered why these people would need alarm systems. Then he realised that some of the residents discovered that they weren't living too far away from Chris, so they installed those alarms. Chris felt somewhat offended by this but he shrugged it off.

By the time there was only one house left in the entire housing estate that Chris did not check out the former host was absolutely pissed off. At that point he was ready to just give up, go home and masturbate to porn or videos of washing machines doing the _Harlem Shake_ with bricks inside them on YouTube. Nevertheless, Chris was still curious so he decided to look around to see if there was no alarm system installed. He scanned the front of the house, went around the east side, then the back and finally the west side. There was no siren.

Few, thought Chris, as he leaned his ladder against a window at the back of the two-story house. He climbed up the ladder. The window was closed but Chris managed to lift it open because the window wasn't locked. Chris smiled to himself knowing this was the second time in a row he got lucky. He also laughed quietly to himself at the stupidity of the people living in the house for not even bothering to lock their windows. Chris bet that they didn't bother to lock the front door, back door, and the garage door, door to the conservatory or door to the basement. He even assumed that they had an alarm system at one point but got rid of it, either because the homeowners thought it was useless and was a waste of money, or that they stupidly gave the alarm codes to everyone they knew and got rid of the alarm system after too many successful break-ins rather than simply change the codes. Either way, Chris didn't care because he was about to sniff some underwear.

Chris crawled through the window and was fully inside the building in a jiffy. He surveyed his surroundings. It was very dark but Chris could still perceive where he was. Apparently, he was in the landing. He saw a few doors. He went over to one of them and opened it, revealing a hot press. Chris quietly went into the small room and closed the door shut as discreetly as he could. He turned on the flashlight from his mobile phone that he brought with him and saw piles of towels, pillow cases, duvets, an immersion tank and a wicker basket containing dirty laundry.

Feeling dirty, Chris lifted up the lid and stuck his hand into the basket. He grabbed an item and retrieved it. It turned out to be a pair of boxers. Chris brought the boxers to his face and sniffed them. It felt so good and by the time he was done he was on a full blown boner. Chris tossed the boxers into the basket and planned to wake up whoever wore them and convince that man to have sex with Chris.

Chris exited the hot press and checked behind a few other doors; revealing the master bedroom where a straight couple were sleeping, a study room, what looked like a guest bedroom because no one was sleeping in the bed, access to the attic and the main bathroom. Chris decided to use that bathroom to take a shit. When he was done he didn't bother flush (not because it would wake up the people that lived in the house but also because he wanted to stink the place up). To add insult to injury, the sadist lifted the toilet seat up. After washing his hands Chris dried them off with one of the towels in a basket that were not supposed to be used until the towel hanging along the bathtub had to be put in the washing machine.

Chris decided he wanted to go downstairs because he was hungry. There was still another room upstairs which Chris didn't investigate but he decided to wait until after he had his snack. He went into kitchen and opened one of the cabinets. He found a few cereal boxes, a loaf of bread, a biscuit tin, a packet of scones and plenty of bars of chocolate. Chris decided to take one of the bars because doing so would generate the least amount of noise. After all, he certainly didn't want whoever was living in the house he was invading to notice that someone broke into their house until long after Chris left otherwise his reputation would be destroyed.

After nabbing the bar from the cabinet, Chris noticed an open door that leads to the basement. He decided it would be wiser to wrap his treat out of the wrapping paper down there and that he might as well go home after that since it was half four in the morning the last time he checked his phone. Slowly and quietly, the sadist went down the steps and found himself right next to the utility room. Chris entered the room and found a brick lying next to the tumble dryer for some reason that Chris can neither explain nor give a shite about. When he noticed that the washing machine right across from the dryer was a front-loader, an evil smile spread across Chris's face.

After he was done eating his chocolate – or, more accurately, the chocolate that he stole – Chris tossed the wrapping paper into the dryer and bent down to pick up the brick. The brick was heavier than he thought, but Chris didn't care. He just wanted to get the brick inside the drum of the washing machine so that the owners would break it the next time they would use it in the future. Unfortunately, his plan backfired when he realised that he forgot to open the door. Chris groaned and muttered curse words to himself.

As he did that, he dropped the brick on his left foot. Chris clutched his foot and hopped around the utility room, cursing and swearing. Most of the words that came out of his mouth were racial slurs against Mexicans, Muslims, travellers, Americans, the Chinese and Eastern Europeans because of his tendency to blame most of Canada's problems on these people. Just as Chris started to tolerate the pain and agony in his foot just a little bit, a ray of light swept in from the narrow opening of the door. Someone must have turned the kitchen lights on.

It occurred to Chris that he may have woken up the owners because of his cursing and swearing on top of the fact that as he was hopping around like a lunatic he accidentally knocked over a row of shelves that contained the cleaning products .The row of shelves damaged the washing machine upon landing on it. Chris began to panic when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Once again, luck was on his side when he caught a glimpse of the window above the dryer.

Ignoring the sheer pain coming from the pressure Chris exerted on his foot, the sadist scrambled onto the top of the dryer and opened the window. He climbed outside and made a run for it. By the time light emerged from the window of the utility room Chris was already off the property and he was literally running like the wind. Chris suddenly remembered that he has left the ladder behind but he decided not to give a shit about it. The ladder was rusty anyway and Chris already had another two ladders back in his garage; both of which were better than the one Chris brought along with him on his late night escapade. Chris upped his speed a little and in no time he reached his house. The sadist ran into his house through the door to the basement, locked the door behind him, ran up the stairs, turned on his alarm system (which he had in case stalkers like Sierra and her mother found out where he lived; he chose not to turn on the alarm when he ventured out on his journey of privacy violations in case he had to make a speedy entrance), ran up the stairs, burst into his bedroom, closed the door shut, got into his pyjamas, brushed his teeth, went to the toilet and dived under the covers of his bed. He pulled them over his head and pissed in his pants before going to sleep.

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The next morning Chris awoke to a loud banging noise on his front door. Fearing it may be the police and/or whoever lives in the house Chris trashed only a few hours ago, the sadistic host grabbed a shotgun and went downstairs to answer the door.

"ALRIGHT," screamed Courtney, "YOU!"

"Who," Chris faux-innocently replied, "me?"

"YEAH, YOU!" roared Courtney. "YOU BROKE INTO OUR HOUSE LAST NIGHT YOU DICKHEAD! YOU GOT YOUR GERMS ON MY DAD'S UNDERWEAR! YOU NEVER FLUSHED THE TOILET AND LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP SO MY MOM GOT HER ARSE DIRTY! YOU STOLE ONE OF MY CHOCOLATE BARS! WORST OF ALL, YOU WRECKED OUR UTILITY ROOM AND BROKE OUR WASHING MACHINE! DO YOU EVEN REALISE HOW MUCH I WANTED TO USE THAT WASHING MACHINE TO KILL MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR'S CAT?!"

"Why would you want to, let alone consider, put your neighbour's cat in your washing machine?" Chris demanded.

"THE CAT SCRATCHED ME SO I SUED ITS OWNERS!" Courtney bellowed. "THE JUDGE ORDERED THE CAT TO BE PUT DOWN BECAUSE MY LAWYER BRIBED HIM WITH NINE DOLLARS AND THE JUDGE TURNED OUT TO BE A TRENT FAN AND AN OVERLY-DEVOTED FOLLOWER OF TRENT'S NUMBER NINE RELIGION! THE JUDGE DIDN'T SAY THAT THE CAT HAD TO GET A LETHAL INJECTION SO I DECIDED TO THROW THAT CAT IN THE WASHING MACHINE! BUT THANKS TO YOU, I'LL HAVE TO USE MY NEIGHBOURS' WASHING MACHINE!"

"Do you honestly think that your neighbours are going to let you into their house after suing them just because of some small row you had with their cat?" Chris sneered.

"OH, THEY'D WANT TO, OTHERWISE I'M SUING THEM AGAIN AND DEMAND THAT THEY GIVE ME THEIR WASHING MACHINE!" snarled Courtney.

"You can use one of my washing machines if you want," said Chris. "I have, like, five of them. Just pick the ugliest one and kill the cat in it. I hope you know how to use it though because I sure don't. The interns do all of my chores for me," he added.

"Fine!" scowled Courtney. "But that doesn't get you off the hook with me! I plan on suing you too!"

"What compensation do you want?" Chris groaned. "I just couldn't be bothered to go to court so just name it up front and I'll give it to you."

"I already sued you," Courtney replied. "The trial starts in an hour." Chris sighed relentlessly. "It'll only take twenty minutes!" she snapped.

"Fine," said Chris, "but if this damages my reputation with the media I will counter-sue you."

"Whatever, just be there on time," Courtney ordered before leaving. Chris groaned. No wonder Courtney's family didn't bother install an alarm system, he thought, considering that they hardly needed one since Courtney lives in that house.

It may also explain why all of Courtney's neighbours had alarm systems installed despite living in one of the safest cities in all of Canada.

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Chris's lawyers bribed the judge with ninety dollars but Courtney won the lawsuit because her lawyers bridged the judge with eighty-one dollars and nine was the square root of eighty-one. As compensation for his actions against Courtney and her parents, Chris was forced to be Courtney's sex slave for nine days. The judge new that Chris was a pervert but he also knew that Chris liked being on top so he believed that it would be an appropriate punishment for the sadist to be forced to be the bottom if Courtney told him to for the next nine days. The judge also chose to make the punishment last for nine days because he wanted to please Trent and since the judge had four letters in his name he believed that he and Trent were made for each other.

Getting back to the slightly less disturbing topic at hand, Chris was forced to coat himself in hot chocolate sauce on the first night of his punishment. Courtney enjoyed licking the sauce off of Chris's body. The next night, Chris had to give Courtney an Australian kiss. For the next seven nights Chris was glad he took Duncan's condoms when he wasn't looking although he was disappointed that this turned Duncan into a caring father and that this didn't cause drama between Duncan and Gwen because Gwen forgave him for cheating on her with a prostitute as long as she could be involved in the child's life. Little did Courtney realise that Chris enjoyed his punishment. He always knew that Courtney was hot but he never knew how good it felt to have Courtney on top of him.

Chris was disappointed when his nine day punishment reached a climax. A week after his punishment he rang Courtney and revealed to her that he did in fact enjoy it and that they were meant to be together. However, Courtney rolled her eyes and told him to fuck off because she was busy giving an Australian kiss to Sierra. She also reminded Chris that she would never be any more than friends with benefits with Chris. Feeling betrayed, Chris decided to invade another one of his contestant's house. He tracked Cody's house online and decided to break in.

A month later, Chris booked into a hotel not far from Cody's house for three nights and during the second night of his stay Chris snuck out of his hotel room and walked ten blocks to Cody's house which was a bungalow. Chris climbed through Cody's bedroom window which Cody has been leaving open every warm night since Sierra got bored with Cody. Chris took advantage of Cody's snoring by sneaking into the kitchen and raiding the fridge.

While the egoistic host was at it, a Rottweiler approached Chris and growled. Chris registered the dog's presence and gasped.

"Nice doggy," said Chris, sheepishly. The dog snarled and pounced on Chris.

* * *

The next morning the hotel staff discovered that Chris was missing and alerted the RCMP. The RCMP discovered a corpse in Cody's cellar. After finding out who the corpse was, the RCMP decided they couldn't give a shit and declared that the case was closed.

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**So what did you guys think? Sorry if there wasn't much Chris/Courtney action or Chris/Cody action in it. At least we had quite a lot of Creepy Chris and a couple of references to those **_**Harlem Shake**_** videos on YouTube. They're fucking hilarious! I must go now and study for a lecture on Monday. I can't afford to lose 2% off my final exam.**

**Until next time!**


End file.
